Why do you run?

Last night my husband asked me at 5:30pm if I wanted to go run, I haven't run outside since my last race which was a while ago so I was excited and out the door in about three minutes even though it was 100ºF. Luckily, the sun was going down and it was cooling off as I headed back home. As hot as it was I still think it was exactly what I needed. When I run outside I have no other options but listen to music and think, and lately I haven't done enough thinking that didn't involve anatomy and physiology.

So I was running and thinking and sweating and something came to mind.
People ask me a lot of questions but I have one question that I like to ask other people: why do you run? I asked this of a man I met as part of my running club. He runs a lot and has done several marathons but he seemed puzzled by my question. He hesitated for a moment and really thought about the answer and finally he told me, "because I love food and I'm not going to eat any less!" This is where I started my weight loss journey. I wanted to find the fastest way to burn calories in the shortest amount of time so I started running. When I would run I would look at the treadmill readout or the nike+ info and think YAY! I can eat some cookies tonight because I burned 300 calories running, but my outlook has changed. Now I run because I like to run. A lot of the time I don't even count the calories I burned because I plan my day not using those calories and honestly after I run my ass off, I'm not hungry anymore. When I run I feel empowered, and liberated because it is my alone time. I get to leave the house alone and it doesn't cost me any money, I get my daily dose of vitamin D and I have a chance to bond with my dog.

Don't ask Harley if he's a good boy. It makes him uncomfortable and he will kiss you then run away.

The only problem with all of this: these great feelings I get when I run don't happen until I am done. I don't feel empowered when I am lacing up my shoes, I have to get out there and earn it.

As I mentioned, I don't rely on my calorie burn for weight loss. I think this is why I have allowed myself to take time off from running so often. I have told myself, if I can't not comfortably live on this calorie allowance then I need to "practice" a little longer before I try to lose more weight and my calorie budget is lowered again.



What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

it's still spring, right?

Today, for some reason, I am deep cleaning the house, giving me an excuse to not go outside while my husband mows because I like being able to breathe. It feels good to get the house clean, I mean really, really clean. Dusting,scouring the stainless steel with steel wool, cleaning the glass, vacuuming, and most importantly purging the cabinets and refrigerator.

I have to remind myself that my body is not a garbage disposal. Cleaning out the cabinets does not mean I need to eat the stuff, it can go in the trash with a lot less guilt.


What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

 Heather

feedback, again and again.

Today was a challenge.

I was able to sit and talk with a friend about my struggles with making myself a better person and her new struggles as a stay-at-home-mom. It's hard to take care of yourself when you are expected to take care of everyone around you. It is a challenge that I am still working on but it was nice to sit and talk with my friend about it today.

We went to lunch with our children at Chick-fil-a, one of my favorite places to eat out. I am disappointed that our mall location is now on a "limited menu" and no longer offers the wraps so I had to make a quick on-the-spot decision about what to order for myself. I settled on the chargrilled chicken garden salad with no dressing which ended up being a pretty good decision, 200 calories, 4g fiber, 23g protein with my medium diet lemonade and now i have a little baggie of sunflower seeds in my purse to snack on (or give the kids to snack on). I try to always carry some cut up apples with me in my purse too which was a great thing to help keep me full the rest of the day. The biggest challenge I had to face today was those darn waffle fries. My oldest daughter ordered chicken strips with fruit instead of fries but her meal came with fries anyways. When I returned the bag to the counter they told me to keep the fries and just gave us the fruit cup too. Grrrr, I don't want an extra small fry, thank you. But I ate my salad and I was happy. The kids were happy when they traded their toy for ice cream cones but again I had ice cream stuck under my nose three times..... they mean well, I'm glad my children want to share.

My victory today was receiving a message on my Facebook from Cody, the former clydesdale. He is my friend's cousin and I have been following his weight loss blog since before I started this blog. It's nice to hear from someone else that my silly ramblings have had an impact on them. Thanks Cody! Go show him some love!!!!

What is your little victory today?


Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

Decisions

not my picture I found it on a google image search,
but I thought it was so cute

It seems to me that the decisions I make at the grocery store (or the check out line at a restaurant) can set me up for success or failure. If I don't buy the chips, I don't have them in the house to eat. If I buy an enormous salad at a restaurant instead of the onion rings that I had been craving then I can't eat the onion rings, can I. The trouble I have is the extra mouths in my life. The kids choose chicken strips and french fries at a restaurant and the husband requests a box of oreos from the store.... and I give in. I let them have it, then I have to turn down the offer when my kids try to share their fries with me..... which is never just a simple question, "mommy, do you want some of my fries" no, they always grab a few and hold them inches under my nose.

Last night I put my foot down, my husband finally opened the package of oreos that I have been staring at in the cabinet every time I open the door. Of course being a man who can eat a million calories and not gain an ounce he grabbed 5 oreos and left the package sitting on the counter, he sat down ate them then started to walk to bed and I stopped him..... Put up the cookies!! I don't even want to smell them!

I think I'm losing my mind.

Everyday several times a day, I have a moment when I think, I don't want to push myself right now, I want to enjoy my summer instead of trying so hard to lose any weight this summer but then I remind myself..... I don't feel good when I eat bad. It's not a guilt thing, I actually get sick when I eat high fat because I don't have a gall bladder. I am allergic to a lot of things that break out my mouth when I eat them, so I am learning (again) to talk myself out of it. Don't eat those chips, all you want is the salt... eat some olives instead.

I keep looking forward to the end of the summer when both of our children will be in school. I will have the day to myself while they are in class and I keep having dreams about going for a run or a bike ride or going to the Y to swim..... I need to just enjoy the time I am home with the girls this summer but that is hard to do. I've said it before, there is no happy medium, it's hard to be a stay at home mom. I love my children but they sure are intense sometimes.

Okay, time to move on.

What is your little victory today?

Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

confessions

why is that I am perfectly content with the huge lunch I just ate moments ago until I open the cabinet to start supper and I see the package of oreos that I bought for my husband yesterday.......

Willpower, don't fail me now.

What is your little victory today?

Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

plan for success VS. failure to plan

I'm back:
I have been out of school for 4 weeks,
My kids have been out of school for 1 week,
my husband is back at work after his one week vacation.......

This last week has been an adjustment for us all, getting used to all being home again is always a challenge but I am ready to be back to taking care of myself better and setting a good example for my children again. The biggest victory for me over the last several months is just reminding myself of how far I have already come and that I have *kind of* maintained the weight loss, I don't stress over 3 lbs weight gain, that is nothing. With my husband home this last week we have eaten bacon, eggs hashbrowns and sausage biscuits and gravy for breakfast every morning. A whopping 500 calories just for breakfast. Anytime I offered to take over for lunch or dinner he insisted that it is his job to take care of the meals on the weekends so he will also take over for his vacation time too. It was nice having a break from cooking everything but I am glad to go back to my high fiber breakfasts for sure.
So.....
starting with breakfast

Today I am having an english muffin with cream cheese and blackberry preserves, half a pink lady apple and some (drinkable) yogurt. 255 calories, 19.5 g fiber, 9 g protein

I have decided to cut WAY back on my caffeine intake again, I had somehow worked my way up to a full pot of coffee by myself on most days. 

I will run again tomorrow and Thursday and decide at that point if I will run the race on Saturday (2 mi or 10K)

What is your little victory today?

Guitarplayingmommy,
Heather

where'd she go?

I've been gone from this blog a long time, I'm sorry for my absence. I've had one huge victory in the last month, I finished my anatomy and physiology 2 course with an A and I'm registered for history, government and nutrition in the fall. I've enjoyed the break from school this last week and I feel like I am recovering from this semester. 

I get asked a lot of the same questions, over and over, by different people. One of the most frequent questions I am asked is what made me finally take control?

This, friends, is what I call my tipping point. I reached a point that I thought I couldn't feel any worse about myself. I was depressed and unhealthy, physically unfit and emotionally I was spiritually empty. This happened at Christmas 2009. I was sick of myself, sick of what I had done to my body. I was just tired of being unhappy. I will admit that I went to my doctor and jumped at the opportunity when she suggested I may have a thyroid issue. She ran the blood tests and everything came back normal. I was disappointed to not have a valid "excuse" for my weight gain. For years I had blamed it on birth control but I know now that it was a combination of eating too much and moving too little. I think the hardest thing I've ever had to do was admitting it was my fault. No one wants to be told they did something wrong, but no one told me. My weight was never brought up in conversation, and my husband told me daily how beautiful I was. I avoided mirrors and didn't go clothes shopping because I didn't feel comfortable but something snapped in me. I just decided one day to make a change, for me. I needed to make my health a priority. 

I had another tipping point at the end of April. I went back to my doctor, I've lost 40 lbs since the last time I had seen her and she was pretty thrilled about that. I asked her what would be a healthy weight for me and she gave me the scientific answer. 100 lbs for 5' tall and 5 lbs for each inch over or below. I'm 4' 11" so an ideal weight for me is 95 lbs. I was devastated, I have made a point to tell myself the number on the scale is not important but that is a pretty big number (losing another 30+ lbs) and it seemed too far away a goal to achieve. I walked out of my appointment and spent the next two weeks focusing on school and being grouchy but I had to make myself a priority again. 

It takes a daily effort to commit to yourself. I've renewed my investment in myself and I'm making a new commitment to find a daily victory, here is today's victory. 

This weekend I went to the store to buy fertilizer and fill our three 5-gallon water jugs. When I came home from the store it hit me as I was walking in the door carrying these heavy items, I carried in a 45-lb. bag of fertilizer and it hurt, I felt so weighed down and after I set it down I went back out to the car and carried in 5 gallons of water (41.75 lbs) three times. I don't want to carry that weight any more. I've gained back a few pounds in the month I was lost and my current weight is 131.5 lbs. I have the rest of my life to "maintain" this weight loss so far and I'm in no hurry to reach 95 lbs. Honestly, I think 115 is a more realistic, healthy weight for me. 

My dad sent me this in an email today:

You have come a long way, Baby--REALLY

What is your little victory today?

Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather