where'd she go?

I've been gone from this blog a long time, I'm sorry for my absence. I've had one huge victory in the last month, I finished my anatomy and physiology 2 course with an A and I'm registered for history, government and nutrition in the fall. I've enjoyed the break from school this last week and I feel like I am recovering from this semester. 

I get asked a lot of the same questions, over and over, by different people. One of the most frequent questions I am asked is what made me finally take control?

This, friends, is what I call my tipping point. I reached a point that I thought I couldn't feel any worse about myself. I was depressed and unhealthy, physically unfit and emotionally I was spiritually empty. This happened at Christmas 2009. I was sick of myself, sick of what I had done to my body. I was just tired of being unhappy. I will admit that I went to my doctor and jumped at the opportunity when she suggested I may have a thyroid issue. She ran the blood tests and everything came back normal. I was disappointed to not have a valid "excuse" for my weight gain. For years I had blamed it on birth control but I know now that it was a combination of eating too much and moving too little. I think the hardest thing I've ever had to do was admitting it was my fault. No one wants to be told they did something wrong, but no one told me. My weight was never brought up in conversation, and my husband told me daily how beautiful I was. I avoided mirrors and didn't go clothes shopping because I didn't feel comfortable but something snapped in me. I just decided one day to make a change, for me. I needed to make my health a priority. 

I had another tipping point at the end of April. I went back to my doctor, I've lost 40 lbs since the last time I had seen her and she was pretty thrilled about that. I asked her what would be a healthy weight for me and she gave me the scientific answer. 100 lbs for 5' tall and 5 lbs for each inch over or below. I'm 4' 11" so an ideal weight for me is 95 lbs. I was devastated, I have made a point to tell myself the number on the scale is not important but that is a pretty big number (losing another 30+ lbs) and it seemed too far away a goal to achieve. I walked out of my appointment and spent the next two weeks focusing on school and being grouchy but I had to make myself a priority again. 

It takes a daily effort to commit to yourself. I've renewed my investment in myself and I'm making a new commitment to find a daily victory, here is today's victory. 

This weekend I went to the store to buy fertilizer and fill our three 5-gallon water jugs. When I came home from the store it hit me as I was walking in the door carrying these heavy items, I carried in a 45-lb. bag of fertilizer and it hurt, I felt so weighed down and after I set it down I went back out to the car and carried in 5 gallons of water (41.75 lbs) three times. I don't want to carry that weight any more. I've gained back a few pounds in the month I was lost and my current weight is 131.5 lbs. I have the rest of my life to "maintain" this weight loss so far and I'm in no hurry to reach 95 lbs. Honestly, I think 115 is a more realistic, healthy weight for me. 

My dad sent me this in an email today:

You have come a long way, Baby--REALLY

What is your little victory today?

Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather