Today is my 30th birthday.

I took the kids to a movie this morning then met my playgroup moms at an ice cream shop and, YES, I had ice cream for lunch. Hey, it's my birthday, right?

I came home and checked the mail and I think I saw the sign I was needing.

This is my permanent chip for racing. 

I need to go run off that ice cream..... 

What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,
Heather

purple

I love frozen blueberries....

purple tongue!

I really like 1 cup frozen blueberries, 1/2 pink lady apple and half a package of somersaults dutch cocoa.
260 calories and 9.5g fiber and the purple tongue is FREE!

What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

little black dress

Today after quilting with my grandmother and my sister-in-law at the church I stopped by my parents house to see about taking my parents out to eat. We went to Cracker Barrel to celebrate my dad's birthday. He will be 68 years old on Thursday, and such an inspiration. I hope to be as fit and active as my dad when I get older, he was already asking me about our next race! I have only eaten at the Cracker Barrel once and it was pre-weight loss so I didn't go in there with the same mind set, and I had no idea what to order. I was trying to decide between three meals and my dad ordered one of them (grilled chicken n' summertime vegetable salad) I just really wanted to try the marinated cucumbers. My mom and I split the other two entrees (lemon pepper grilled rainbow trout and bbq chicken). It was nice to walk out of a restaurant not feeling stuffed. I used to feel like that was a normal feeling at home or when I went out to eat but now I know it is not healthy.

When I came home I started looking at my room. again. The room where I keep my treadmill is kind of a landing pad for all things not in use. All of my school books are stored on a shelf with my crochet and tatting patterns and I have tons of yarn stashed away in there too. Lately the clutter that has bothered me the most is all of the junk on the bed in this room. Three huge tubs full of next seasons clothes for the children and three trash bags full hand-me-down clothes, my youngest daughter's too small clothes and my too big clothes. I finally put the kids clothes back in the top of their closet where it belongs and I started looking through my old clothes. Some things were given to me and were already too big and some were just never my style, but a lot of these clothes meant a lot to me at one point..... like my little black dress.

Two years ago I wore this dress when I went to Steamboat Springs, Colorado to play in my friend's wedding. Two things happened during that weekend trip: I watched people run a marathon for the first time ever and I was forced to be away from my husband for several days. I had never run before, I thought there is no way I could run a mile, or two or 26 but I talked with people who were 20 years older than me and in better shape than I could ever have imagined myself being able to achieve. That was one of the biggest motivators for me at the time, and probably the top reason I started running. The wedding was in June 2009 and it took me 6 months to deal with my emotional issues preventing me from moving forward and taking control of my life. My husband is good to me, always has been, but when we were apart for several days I realized I didn't do anything for ME. This was not his fault, it was my own and I took full responsibility for that and made the changes I needed to make.

SOOOOOoooo.... Are you ready for the dress?

June 2009 about 185lbs--- June 2011 130lbs

What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,
Heather

Why do you run?

Last night my husband asked me at 5:30pm if I wanted to go run, I haven't run outside since my last race which was a while ago so I was excited and out the door in about three minutes even though it was 100ºF. Luckily, the sun was going down and it was cooling off as I headed back home. As hot as it was I still think it was exactly what I needed. When I run outside I have no other options but listen to music and think, and lately I haven't done enough thinking that didn't involve anatomy and physiology.

So I was running and thinking and sweating and something came to mind.
People ask me a lot of questions but I have one question that I like to ask other people: why do you run? I asked this of a man I met as part of my running club. He runs a lot and has done several marathons but he seemed puzzled by my question. He hesitated for a moment and really thought about the answer and finally he told me, "because I love food and I'm not going to eat any less!" This is where I started my weight loss journey. I wanted to find the fastest way to burn calories in the shortest amount of time so I started running. When I would run I would look at the treadmill readout or the nike+ info and think YAY! I can eat some cookies tonight because I burned 300 calories running, but my outlook has changed. Now I run because I like to run. A lot of the time I don't even count the calories I burned because I plan my day not using those calories and honestly after I run my ass off, I'm not hungry anymore. When I run I feel empowered, and liberated because it is my alone time. I get to leave the house alone and it doesn't cost me any money, I get my daily dose of vitamin D and I have a chance to bond with my dog.

Don't ask Harley if he's a good boy. It makes him uncomfortable and he will kiss you then run away.

The only problem with all of this: these great feelings I get when I run don't happen until I am done. I don't feel empowered when I am lacing up my shoes, I have to get out there and earn it.

As I mentioned, I don't rely on my calorie burn for weight loss. I think this is why I have allowed myself to take time off from running so often. I have told myself, if I can't not comfortably live on this calorie allowance then I need to "practice" a little longer before I try to lose more weight and my calorie budget is lowered again.



What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

it's still spring, right?

Today, for some reason, I am deep cleaning the house, giving me an excuse to not go outside while my husband mows because I like being able to breathe. It feels good to get the house clean, I mean really, really clean. Dusting,scouring the stainless steel with steel wool, cleaning the glass, vacuuming, and most importantly purging the cabinets and refrigerator.

I have to remind myself that my body is not a garbage disposal. Cleaning out the cabinets does not mean I need to eat the stuff, it can go in the trash with a lot less guilt.


What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

 Heather

feedback, again and again.

Today was a challenge.

I was able to sit and talk with a friend about my struggles with making myself a better person and her new struggles as a stay-at-home-mom. It's hard to take care of yourself when you are expected to take care of everyone around you. It is a challenge that I am still working on but it was nice to sit and talk with my friend about it today.

We went to lunch with our children at Chick-fil-a, one of my favorite places to eat out. I am disappointed that our mall location is now on a "limited menu" and no longer offers the wraps so I had to make a quick on-the-spot decision about what to order for myself. I settled on the chargrilled chicken garden salad with no dressing which ended up being a pretty good decision, 200 calories, 4g fiber, 23g protein with my medium diet lemonade and now i have a little baggie of sunflower seeds in my purse to snack on (or give the kids to snack on). I try to always carry some cut up apples with me in my purse too which was a great thing to help keep me full the rest of the day. The biggest challenge I had to face today was those darn waffle fries. My oldest daughter ordered chicken strips with fruit instead of fries but her meal came with fries anyways. When I returned the bag to the counter they told me to keep the fries and just gave us the fruit cup too. Grrrr, I don't want an extra small fry, thank you. But I ate my salad and I was happy. The kids were happy when they traded their toy for ice cream cones but again I had ice cream stuck under my nose three times..... they mean well, I'm glad my children want to share.

My victory today was receiving a message on my Facebook from Cody, the former clydesdale. He is my friend's cousin and I have been following his weight loss blog since before I started this blog. It's nice to hear from someone else that my silly ramblings have had an impact on them. Thanks Cody! Go show him some love!!!!

What is your little victory today?


Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

Decisions

not my picture I found it on a google image search,
but I thought it was so cute

It seems to me that the decisions I make at the grocery store (or the check out line at a restaurant) can set me up for success or failure. If I don't buy the chips, I don't have them in the house to eat. If I buy an enormous salad at a restaurant instead of the onion rings that I had been craving then I can't eat the onion rings, can I. The trouble I have is the extra mouths in my life. The kids choose chicken strips and french fries at a restaurant and the husband requests a box of oreos from the store.... and I give in. I let them have it, then I have to turn down the offer when my kids try to share their fries with me..... which is never just a simple question, "mommy, do you want some of my fries" no, they always grab a few and hold them inches under my nose.

Last night I put my foot down, my husband finally opened the package of oreos that I have been staring at in the cabinet every time I open the door. Of course being a man who can eat a million calories and not gain an ounce he grabbed 5 oreos and left the package sitting on the counter, he sat down ate them then started to walk to bed and I stopped him..... Put up the cookies!! I don't even want to smell them!

I think I'm losing my mind.

Everyday several times a day, I have a moment when I think, I don't want to push myself right now, I want to enjoy my summer instead of trying so hard to lose any weight this summer but then I remind myself..... I don't feel good when I eat bad. It's not a guilt thing, I actually get sick when I eat high fat because I don't have a gall bladder. I am allergic to a lot of things that break out my mouth when I eat them, so I am learning (again) to talk myself out of it. Don't eat those chips, all you want is the salt... eat some olives instead.

I keep looking forward to the end of the summer when both of our children will be in school. I will have the day to myself while they are in class and I keep having dreams about going for a run or a bike ride or going to the Y to swim..... I need to just enjoy the time I am home with the girls this summer but that is hard to do. I've said it before, there is no happy medium, it's hard to be a stay at home mom. I love my children but they sure are intense sometimes.

Okay, time to move on.

What is your little victory today?

Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

confessions

why is that I am perfectly content with the huge lunch I just ate moments ago until I open the cabinet to start supper and I see the package of oreos that I bought for my husband yesterday.......

Willpower, don't fail me now.

What is your little victory today?

Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

plan for success VS. failure to plan

I'm back:
I have been out of school for 4 weeks,
My kids have been out of school for 1 week,
my husband is back at work after his one week vacation.......

This last week has been an adjustment for us all, getting used to all being home again is always a challenge but I am ready to be back to taking care of myself better and setting a good example for my children again. The biggest victory for me over the last several months is just reminding myself of how far I have already come and that I have *kind of* maintained the weight loss, I don't stress over 3 lbs weight gain, that is nothing. With my husband home this last week we have eaten bacon, eggs hashbrowns and sausage biscuits and gravy for breakfast every morning. A whopping 500 calories just for breakfast. Anytime I offered to take over for lunch or dinner he insisted that it is his job to take care of the meals on the weekends so he will also take over for his vacation time too. It was nice having a break from cooking everything but I am glad to go back to my high fiber breakfasts for sure.
So.....
starting with breakfast

Today I am having an english muffin with cream cheese and blackberry preserves, half a pink lady apple and some (drinkable) yogurt. 255 calories, 19.5 g fiber, 9 g protein

I have decided to cut WAY back on my caffeine intake again, I had somehow worked my way up to a full pot of coffee by myself on most days. 

I will run again tomorrow and Thursday and decide at that point if I will run the race on Saturday (2 mi or 10K)

What is your little victory today?

Guitarplayingmommy,
Heather