Today's ride

I've mentioned in a few blog posts that I started training for a half marathon at the end of August. The half marathon will be the second week of November. This training program includes a lot of cross training, one thing I have neglected though out my weight loss efforts. I told myself in the beginning I needed to be able to comfortably live on the calorie budget I was given without having to rely on calorie burning. This is both a blessing and a curse. I have learned to make smarter food choices on a daily basis to achieve my weight loss but also I still am not in the best condition and I tire easily. I got a bike and a membership at the YWCA for swimming so I have the tools necessary now, to start cross-training.

Each time that I run, bike or swim, I learn something new about myself. Monday, I was in a panic that I wont be able to do this half marathon. Day one of the second week, out of nine, and I was already giving up.

I had made up my mind:
I had taken too much time off this summer,
I was too weak,
I was not dedicated enough.

I ran anyways. Instead of hating myself because it wasn't my best run, I gave myself constructive criticism and a little congratulations, just for making the first step. I still don't feel ready for a half marathon but I guess that is the point of the training program, right? When I started couch to 5k in January 2010 I never thought it would ever be possible for me to run for 30 minutes with no stopping.

The rest of the week was better. I still didn't want to run on Thursday but I felt stronger after I forced myself to run. My wednesday cross-training is swimming with my sister. She was a competitive swimmer growing up so she is an excellent teacher and a wonderful motivator. I am glad to have my sister home from California.

Today was a big victory for me. I went for a bike ride as my cross-training today. Not a long ride, just 4.5 miles, 30 minutes. I pushed myself to try to work harder. I came home from my ride and looked in the mirror. I felt more healthy and comfortable, gross and sweaty, than I have in months.

What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

Tuna Salad~recipe

It's time for another recipe, this has been one of my favorite quick, filling lunches this summer.

To start off I like to chop carrots, celery and apples.

Then I add lots of mustard and some pickle relish...

I like to use the little cups of salmon but I was at my grandmother's house when I made this so I used tuna instead.

It's not very pretty, but it sure is tasty. The apples add a little sweetness  and fiber and the carrots and celery add some crunch. I usually serve it up on an english muffin or whole wheat bread.

What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

back in line

I feel like I am back on track again.

I weighed on Tuesday and I was actually not as far behind as I had thought I was. I have only re-gained 4.5 lbs, not 6 so yay! Only 8lbs from my original goal of losing (and maintaining) 50lbs.

I ran twice this week and tried to stay active but today I was just in a funk. I can't stop thinking about school, already and it doesn't start for over a month. I am mostly concerned about my nursing school application which is due on Sept 15th and I won't start until January. I felt like I was chasing my tail today and I just couldn't really get anything accomplished. After putting it off all day and thinking... I'll run later it was the time that my husband usually comes home from work and he called to tell me he wouldn't be home for another 3 hours. I laced up my shoes and ran.... it felt good to just run and not think about school or deadlines or anything else.

On Tuesday i got a pump to air up the tires on my new/used bike but I have not been able to get out on it yet. I hope I have a chance this weekend.


What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

Bicycle

Yesterday my mom calls me and asks if I want a bike.... yes, I DO! She found me a bicycle at goodwill and it actually fits me! I've mentioned before that I am short, 4'11" so my sister's bicycle was way too huge for me. Since I am starting the half marathon training I need to be able to add in some cross training on my non-run days and now I have a bike. I think I may also pick up a membership at the Y so I can do some swimming too. I'm just really excited to ride.

I've had a hard time the last week... struggling really. I'm beating myself up about gaining back some of what I had lost. I didn't think I had done that bad until I weighed at my parents house on Friday night. I'm hoping it was partly the high sodium couple of days and the two bottles of water I drank on the way over there more than anything but I had gained 6 pounds since the last time I had weighed in early June. I've laid off the salt and will weigh again tomorrow morning over there to get a better idea but here is where I am torn: I lost 40lbs from January to May of 2010 and I have not gained back any of it. In the last year I have lost and gained and lost about another 10lbs making a total loss of 50lbs but now I am back to my 40lbs loss.

I should be happy.

I use the mifflin equation to calculate my calorie deficit to lose. For that first 5 months I calculated to lose 2lbs a week but I reached a point where I needed to stay under 1000 calories to lose 2lbs a week and it was no longer healthy for me to continue at that rate. I told myself, I'm not in a hurry anymore. I am healthier today than I was two years ago and I am continuing to learn about myself through this journey.

What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

internal battle

Wow, I'm a terrible blog keeper.....

I realized lately that I guess I'm a seasonal loser. Last year I lost 40lbs during the spring semester (5 months) then I took the summer off and got back to losing once school started again, losing another 10lbs during the fall and following spring semester. I find myself this summer justifying my lack of logging and running by looking forward to when school starts again. This year my youngest daughter will be starting kindergarten so I feel like I will have tons of time to be more active. I've already made plans to start training for a half marathon in November starting on the first day the kids are back in school.

I don't ever tell myself I'm happy with my current weight while I'm running but I have a tons of words for myself while I'm snacking.

What is your little victory today?

Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

Today is my 30th birthday.

I took the kids to a movie this morning then met my playgroup moms at an ice cream shop and, YES, I had ice cream for lunch. Hey, it's my birthday, right?

I came home and checked the mail and I think I saw the sign I was needing.

This is my permanent chip for racing. 

I need to go run off that ice cream..... 

What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,
Heather

purple

I love frozen blueberries....

purple tongue!

I really like 1 cup frozen blueberries, 1/2 pink lady apple and half a package of somersaults dutch cocoa.
260 calories and 9.5g fiber and the purple tongue is FREE!

What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

little black dress

Today after quilting with my grandmother and my sister-in-law at the church I stopped by my parents house to see about taking my parents out to eat. We went to Cracker Barrel to celebrate my dad's birthday. He will be 68 years old on Thursday, and such an inspiration. I hope to be as fit and active as my dad when I get older, he was already asking me about our next race! I have only eaten at the Cracker Barrel once and it was pre-weight loss so I didn't go in there with the same mind set, and I had no idea what to order. I was trying to decide between three meals and my dad ordered one of them (grilled chicken n' summertime vegetable salad) I just really wanted to try the marinated cucumbers. My mom and I split the other two entrees (lemon pepper grilled rainbow trout and bbq chicken). It was nice to walk out of a restaurant not feeling stuffed. I used to feel like that was a normal feeling at home or when I went out to eat but now I know it is not healthy.

When I came home I started looking at my room. again. The room where I keep my treadmill is kind of a landing pad for all things not in use. All of my school books are stored on a shelf with my crochet and tatting patterns and I have tons of yarn stashed away in there too. Lately the clutter that has bothered me the most is all of the junk on the bed in this room. Three huge tubs full of next seasons clothes for the children and three trash bags full hand-me-down clothes, my youngest daughter's too small clothes and my too big clothes. I finally put the kids clothes back in the top of their closet where it belongs and I started looking through my old clothes. Some things were given to me and were already too big and some were just never my style, but a lot of these clothes meant a lot to me at one point..... like my little black dress.

Two years ago I wore this dress when I went to Steamboat Springs, Colorado to play in my friend's wedding. Two things happened during that weekend trip: I watched people run a marathon for the first time ever and I was forced to be away from my husband for several days. I had never run before, I thought there is no way I could run a mile, or two or 26 but I talked with people who were 20 years older than me and in better shape than I could ever have imagined myself being able to achieve. That was one of the biggest motivators for me at the time, and probably the top reason I started running. The wedding was in June 2009 and it took me 6 months to deal with my emotional issues preventing me from moving forward and taking control of my life. My husband is good to me, always has been, but when we were apart for several days I realized I didn't do anything for ME. This was not his fault, it was my own and I took full responsibility for that and made the changes I needed to make.

SOOOOOoooo.... Are you ready for the dress?

June 2009 about 185lbs--- June 2011 130lbs

What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,
Heather

Why do you run?

Last night my husband asked me at 5:30pm if I wanted to go run, I haven't run outside since my last race which was a while ago so I was excited and out the door in about three minutes even though it was 100ºF. Luckily, the sun was going down and it was cooling off as I headed back home. As hot as it was I still think it was exactly what I needed. When I run outside I have no other options but listen to music and think, and lately I haven't done enough thinking that didn't involve anatomy and physiology.

So I was running and thinking and sweating and something came to mind.
People ask me a lot of questions but I have one question that I like to ask other people: why do you run? I asked this of a man I met as part of my running club. He runs a lot and has done several marathons but he seemed puzzled by my question. He hesitated for a moment and really thought about the answer and finally he told me, "because I love food and I'm not going to eat any less!" This is where I started my weight loss journey. I wanted to find the fastest way to burn calories in the shortest amount of time so I started running. When I would run I would look at the treadmill readout or the nike+ info and think YAY! I can eat some cookies tonight because I burned 300 calories running, but my outlook has changed. Now I run because I like to run. A lot of the time I don't even count the calories I burned because I plan my day not using those calories and honestly after I run my ass off, I'm not hungry anymore. When I run I feel empowered, and liberated because it is my alone time. I get to leave the house alone and it doesn't cost me any money, I get my daily dose of vitamin D and I have a chance to bond with my dog.

Don't ask Harley if he's a good boy. It makes him uncomfortable and he will kiss you then run away.

The only problem with all of this: these great feelings I get when I run don't happen until I am done. I don't feel empowered when I am lacing up my shoes, I have to get out there and earn it.

As I mentioned, I don't rely on my calorie burn for weight loss. I think this is why I have allowed myself to take time off from running so often. I have told myself, if I can't not comfortably live on this calorie allowance then I need to "practice" a little longer before I try to lose more weight and my calorie budget is lowered again.



What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

it's still spring, right?

Today, for some reason, I am deep cleaning the house, giving me an excuse to not go outside while my husband mows because I like being able to breathe. It feels good to get the house clean, I mean really, really clean. Dusting,scouring the stainless steel with steel wool, cleaning the glass, vacuuming, and most importantly purging the cabinets and refrigerator.

I have to remind myself that my body is not a garbage disposal. Cleaning out the cabinets does not mean I need to eat the stuff, it can go in the trash with a lot less guilt.


What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

 Heather

feedback, again and again.

Today was a challenge.

I was able to sit and talk with a friend about my struggles with making myself a better person and her new struggles as a stay-at-home-mom. It's hard to take care of yourself when you are expected to take care of everyone around you. It is a challenge that I am still working on but it was nice to sit and talk with my friend about it today.

We went to lunch with our children at Chick-fil-a, one of my favorite places to eat out. I am disappointed that our mall location is now on a "limited menu" and no longer offers the wraps so I had to make a quick on-the-spot decision about what to order for myself. I settled on the chargrilled chicken garden salad with no dressing which ended up being a pretty good decision, 200 calories, 4g fiber, 23g protein with my medium diet lemonade and now i have a little baggie of sunflower seeds in my purse to snack on (or give the kids to snack on). I try to always carry some cut up apples with me in my purse too which was a great thing to help keep me full the rest of the day. The biggest challenge I had to face today was those darn waffle fries. My oldest daughter ordered chicken strips with fruit instead of fries but her meal came with fries anyways. When I returned the bag to the counter they told me to keep the fries and just gave us the fruit cup too. Grrrr, I don't want an extra small fry, thank you. But I ate my salad and I was happy. The kids were happy when they traded their toy for ice cream cones but again I had ice cream stuck under my nose three times..... they mean well, I'm glad my children want to share.

My victory today was receiving a message on my Facebook from Cody, the former clydesdale. He is my friend's cousin and I have been following his weight loss blog since before I started this blog. It's nice to hear from someone else that my silly ramblings have had an impact on them. Thanks Cody! Go show him some love!!!!

What is your little victory today?


Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

Decisions

not my picture I found it on a google image search,
but I thought it was so cute

It seems to me that the decisions I make at the grocery store (or the check out line at a restaurant) can set me up for success or failure. If I don't buy the chips, I don't have them in the house to eat. If I buy an enormous salad at a restaurant instead of the onion rings that I had been craving then I can't eat the onion rings, can I. The trouble I have is the extra mouths in my life. The kids choose chicken strips and french fries at a restaurant and the husband requests a box of oreos from the store.... and I give in. I let them have it, then I have to turn down the offer when my kids try to share their fries with me..... which is never just a simple question, "mommy, do you want some of my fries" no, they always grab a few and hold them inches under my nose.

Last night I put my foot down, my husband finally opened the package of oreos that I have been staring at in the cabinet every time I open the door. Of course being a man who can eat a million calories and not gain an ounce he grabbed 5 oreos and left the package sitting on the counter, he sat down ate them then started to walk to bed and I stopped him..... Put up the cookies!! I don't even want to smell them!

I think I'm losing my mind.

Everyday several times a day, I have a moment when I think, I don't want to push myself right now, I want to enjoy my summer instead of trying so hard to lose any weight this summer but then I remind myself..... I don't feel good when I eat bad. It's not a guilt thing, I actually get sick when I eat high fat because I don't have a gall bladder. I am allergic to a lot of things that break out my mouth when I eat them, so I am learning (again) to talk myself out of it. Don't eat those chips, all you want is the salt... eat some olives instead.

I keep looking forward to the end of the summer when both of our children will be in school. I will have the day to myself while they are in class and I keep having dreams about going for a run or a bike ride or going to the Y to swim..... I need to just enjoy the time I am home with the girls this summer but that is hard to do. I've said it before, there is no happy medium, it's hard to be a stay at home mom. I love my children but they sure are intense sometimes.

Okay, time to move on.

What is your little victory today?

Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

confessions

why is that I am perfectly content with the huge lunch I just ate moments ago until I open the cabinet to start supper and I see the package of oreos that I bought for my husband yesterday.......

Willpower, don't fail me now.

What is your little victory today?

Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

plan for success VS. failure to plan

I'm back:
I have been out of school for 4 weeks,
My kids have been out of school for 1 week,
my husband is back at work after his one week vacation.......

This last week has been an adjustment for us all, getting used to all being home again is always a challenge but I am ready to be back to taking care of myself better and setting a good example for my children again. The biggest victory for me over the last several months is just reminding myself of how far I have already come and that I have *kind of* maintained the weight loss, I don't stress over 3 lbs weight gain, that is nothing. With my husband home this last week we have eaten bacon, eggs hashbrowns and sausage biscuits and gravy for breakfast every morning. A whopping 500 calories just for breakfast. Anytime I offered to take over for lunch or dinner he insisted that it is his job to take care of the meals on the weekends so he will also take over for his vacation time too. It was nice having a break from cooking everything but I am glad to go back to my high fiber breakfasts for sure.
So.....
starting with breakfast

Today I am having an english muffin with cream cheese and blackberry preserves, half a pink lady apple and some (drinkable) yogurt. 255 calories, 19.5 g fiber, 9 g protein

I have decided to cut WAY back on my caffeine intake again, I had somehow worked my way up to a full pot of coffee by myself on most days. 

I will run again tomorrow and Thursday and decide at that point if I will run the race on Saturday (2 mi or 10K)

What is your little victory today?

Guitarplayingmommy,
Heather

where'd she go?

I've been gone from this blog a long time, I'm sorry for my absence. I've had one huge victory in the last month, I finished my anatomy and physiology 2 course with an A and I'm registered for history, government and nutrition in the fall. I've enjoyed the break from school this last week and I feel like I am recovering from this semester. 

I get asked a lot of the same questions, over and over, by different people. One of the most frequent questions I am asked is what made me finally take control?

This, friends, is what I call my tipping point. I reached a point that I thought I couldn't feel any worse about myself. I was depressed and unhealthy, physically unfit and emotionally I was spiritually empty. This happened at Christmas 2009. I was sick of myself, sick of what I had done to my body. I was just tired of being unhappy. I will admit that I went to my doctor and jumped at the opportunity when she suggested I may have a thyroid issue. She ran the blood tests and everything came back normal. I was disappointed to not have a valid "excuse" for my weight gain. For years I had blamed it on birth control but I know now that it was a combination of eating too much and moving too little. I think the hardest thing I've ever had to do was admitting it was my fault. No one wants to be told they did something wrong, but no one told me. My weight was never brought up in conversation, and my husband told me daily how beautiful I was. I avoided mirrors and didn't go clothes shopping because I didn't feel comfortable but something snapped in me. I just decided one day to make a change, for me. I needed to make my health a priority. 

I had another tipping point at the end of April. I went back to my doctor, I've lost 40 lbs since the last time I had seen her and she was pretty thrilled about that. I asked her what would be a healthy weight for me and she gave me the scientific answer. 100 lbs for 5' tall and 5 lbs for each inch over or below. I'm 4' 11" so an ideal weight for me is 95 lbs. I was devastated, I have made a point to tell myself the number on the scale is not important but that is a pretty big number (losing another 30+ lbs) and it seemed too far away a goal to achieve. I walked out of my appointment and spent the next two weeks focusing on school and being grouchy but I had to make myself a priority again. 

It takes a daily effort to commit to yourself. I've renewed my investment in myself and I'm making a new commitment to find a daily victory, here is today's victory. 

This weekend I went to the store to buy fertilizer and fill our three 5-gallon water jugs. When I came home from the store it hit me as I was walking in the door carrying these heavy items, I carried in a 45-lb. bag of fertilizer and it hurt, I felt so weighed down and after I set it down I went back out to the car and carried in 5 gallons of water (41.75 lbs) three times. I don't want to carry that weight any more. I've gained back a few pounds in the month I was lost and my current weight is 131.5 lbs. I have the rest of my life to "maintain" this weight loss so far and I'm in no hurry to reach 95 lbs. Honestly, I think 115 is a more realistic, healthy weight for me. 

My dad sent me this in an email today:

You have come a long way, Baby--REALLY

What is your little victory today?

Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

gifts galore

I mentioned yesterday that I have done a lot of crocheting lately, mainly baby hats and hiney covers. One of those sets (the bear) was for a friend that lives about 2 hours away and I haven't seen her since we worked together at a call center. She posted a message on Facebook asking if anyone knew a local knitter in her area willing to make her a baby hat. I responded and told her I don't knit but I crochet. She messaged me on a Sunday morning giving me an idea of what she wanted and after a few emails back and forth we decided on a bear which I had made and in the mail the next morning. Well today when I came home from school this was on my front porch.

Getting gifts in the mail is always fantastic but it's wonderful when it is a surprise. I was quite surprised, thank you Kathryn, the tulips are gorgeous, I'm excited to watch them bloom!

I had another surprise gift today at work, 

my boss gave me a wonderful smelling candle a few chocolates 

and some cute office supplies. I must be a nerd because I'm excited about this highlighter. 

P.S. I didn't like the tan at the bottom of the "puppy" hat so I ripped it out and put blue, like on the bear and made a diaper cover.

What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

nothing to say

This week I have been so focused on school that I haven't had much time for victories so I will just update what is going on in my life:

I signed up for classes for fall. I will be taking history and government *yawn* but I am super excited about taking nutrition. I was talking with one of the microbiology instructors I work for and she informed me the instructor I chose is actually a nutritionist in her full time job. I am excited to pick her brain.

It seems all of my friends are having babies lately so I have been doing lots of crochet lately too. I have made a few hat/diaper cover sets...

a monkey

 a bear

a puppy

What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

MMMMMMmmmmmm, steak

I'm sure the people finding me under the vegan google searches is probably confused, I'm not vegan, I have noticed vegan recipes are higher in fiber and I am allergic to beef and can only eat it one in a while so that is why I lean in the vegan direction, but has life changed since I made myself a priority. My husband now insists that it is important for him to take over the responsibilities of the meals on the weekend, so tonight is steak, baked potatoes and salad. The celebration here is that I didn't have to do the cooking.

What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

I feel pretty

Some days my celebration is pretty simple, I went to a baby shower of a friend and someone I have never met before told me I was pretty. it made me feel pretty, it's simple but effective. So go out and tell a girl she is pretty and make her day.

What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

Roses updated

As promised some pictures of my roses...

What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

Roses

When I was pregnant with our second daughter my husband planted 2 dozen climbing rose vines in our front yard along the perimeter. They have slowly filled in the chain link fence and over the last week they have really started blooming like crazy. This was my mother's day present from him in 2006 and now I get several dozen roses a day. This one is my favorite and it just happens to be the one you see when you walk out the front door.

I will take some pictures of the roses tomorrow to post but it's after dark already. 

What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

friction burn

As I was getting dressed to hop on the treadmill and run tonight I realized something: my thighs don't touch anymore.

When I first started running in January 2010 I would need to buy new pants every few months because I wore holes in the inside part of the thighs. My friend Eric talked about this on his page too, but it didn't really hit me until I grabbed these pants tonight.

I have given away or tossed in the trash, most of the clothes that do not fit me anymore but I still hold on to my (former) favorite size 16 pants, 

my size 42 running bra 

and these holey pants. (really they are well air conditioned). 

Well, I'm gonna run now to celebrate.

What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

snacking

Every night I treat myself to a dessert after dinner, usually a skinny cow truffle bar (only 100 calories) but as I have mentioned before, I have a lot of food allergies, one of those being chocolate. I can still eat it but lately it has started making my mouth hurt again. So I have been on a mission lately trying to find some kind of ice cream thing to snack on that doesn't have chocolate. Tonight after dinner I went to the freezer again looking for something sweet and this is what I ended up with:

1 cup frozen blueberries (70 calories, 4g fiber)

4 Tbps (1/4 cup) fat free cool whip (30 calories)

Amazingly this is satisfying my sweet fix and it costs the same number of calories as the skinny cow truffle bar, but with a 4g fiber bonus..... but my tongue is purple. Oh well, matches my hair.

What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather

body image

this is me and my dad at one of my high school choir concerts

It's amazing what a little perspective can show you.


When I was in high school I hated my body. I would look in the mirror and see every flaw and just be miserable. I was in 2 dance classes and I walked home from school for lunch everyday so I was very "in shape" but I still hated what I saw in the mirror. It's amazing to me now (still 15lbs heavier than my high school weight) how proud I am of where I am at now. I don't have to look in the mirror to know that I am happy with who I am. I don't think I would have ever been this happy if I had just "stayed" thin from high school on. I feel like I sort of earned my stripes (stretch marks).

and me and my sister at the same concert

Which brings me to my next point, my stretch marks. I bought this special lotion quite some time ago that claims to repair skin that has been broken by stretch marks. The bottle of lotion was $40 and I kind of choked when I made the purchase but I thought it might be worth it to get rid of these scars. I used it a little bit off and on for about 2 weeks then I forgot about it. Recently I decided to start using it again and I really can tell a difference. My skin feels healthier and (just like their slogan) reduce the appearance of stretch marks, catapult confidence. I feel so good about my belly now. It's weird to actually think that, I thought I would always have these scars, but I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel now. 

this photo is from Feb 25th 

February 25th from this post.

my camera does not take very good close ups, sorry.
But my skin is much healthier now.

What is your little victory today? 

Guitarplayingmommy, 

Heather

Rosemary Roasted Chicken with Potatoes

I usually try to do no more than 1 new recipe per week, but I figured this one is "tame" enough the famliy might not throw too much of a fit about it.

I bought this packet that comes with the pre-measured spices and a recipe card.

Just dump the spices (plus salt) into a bowl

Place chopped potatoes and thawed boneless skinless chicken thighs in bowl and mix with olive oil.

We really like onions and mushrooms so I chopped a little of both

and place it all on a pan lined with aluminum foil.
Toss it in the oven and bake at 425ºF for 30 minutes.

I'm going to serve it with green beans.

What is your little victory today?

 Guitarplayingmommy,

Heather